I am a mother of three, two boys and a girl, with a wonderful husband. I am hard-working, stressed and blessed. I find that I feel I need to fill some kind of void in my heart, but haven't found what the void is yet. I am a middle child and once I was married and had my own children, I began struggling with the middle child syndrome. I want to be the soccer mom and stepford wife, but can't find the money or resouces to do so. I love my extended family and am very close knit with each of them. My idols were my grandparents, now, just my grandmother. If I could be like one person, it would be her. I fear the day she leaves me. I still mourn the day he did. I am trying to find purpose and meaning in this life and trying to cherish every precious moment with my babies.